Raph's 21st

After much convincing and cunningness all round, I managed to get Raph to finally hold his 21st. Not just any 21st, but a nice dinner at the Marigold in the city, and then drinks at the mandarin club and the pavillion after. More on those places later....

Dinner was great, good food, 13 guys just sitting around a table talking crap, King Way with his non-stop DOTA talk, and the rest of us just being ourselves. Thanks a suggestion from a source that shall remain unamed, we got him 2 major things for his present, a CK Crave pack, and also a soccer ball which we all used as a card and wrote on with my trusty permanent marker. Jason being the guy that he is insisted that as he was turning 21 and was now a "man", we should give him something that commemorates the occasion. Enter FHM, and Hustler Black Label Limited Edition. Raph, i know u love it. But the fun was just beginning....

After getting barred from pavilion and starbar due to inappropriate attire, we ended up at the mighty mandarin club, where we felt right in our element, hanging out with obvious pokie addicts, asians in their 40s and 50s, a Filipino Karaoke singer and some triad looking mainlander bosses who approached King Way and myself looking to recruit. (Ok maybe not, but doesnt it sound better that way?)

I started Raph off by immediately dragging him to the bar and taking a Cowboy with him straight away.
Says me: "We're gonna get u trashed tonight and you are going to throw up."
Says Raph: "Nah, i rarely throw up."
Says Me: "OK."

We then went upstairs where Raph had a beer (and some more?) and QF. The person with the wrong attire left, so we decided to proceed to Pavilion as we had had enough karaoke and middle aged asian craziness.

Upon reaching pavillion, i decided that Raph was not even close to the world of drunkeness and embarassment, so i decided to pull out the big guns, ordering him a shot of absinthe. Raph took it like a man, and we proceeded downstairs, where in sucession Raph took a bacardi, a malibu and pineapple, a tequila and a beer with 2 tequila shots inside, after which he decided to sit down. (Meanwhile, kingway, having his 3rd drink, a vodka and orange, got completely drunk for the rest of the night, turned as red as a beetroot, rambled about dota, and told us that 7 x 8 was 54).
At this point raph was starting to struggle. Really having to try hard to finish his beer + tequila. It was about now that he was struggling to walk straight and required constant supervision. Once again deciding a change of venue was in order, we went back upstairs, where i presented raph with his next drink, a red bull and vodka. Around this time, his mum called, and raph hands me the fone saying, "anwser it, i dont no who it is!". I look on the fone and it says "Mum mobile". Knowing that this was not a good thing, i tried to tell her that raph was "busy" and couldnt get to the fone right now, but she was quite insistant, saying, "WHERE IS RAPHAEL. I WANT TO SPEAK TO RAPHAEL CHAN." knowing that the game was up, i gave the fone back to raph saying "IT'S YOUR MUM." Raph takes the fone, says hello, listens for a few seconds and says "WHO IS THIS?". As King Way said, "Ah Ma doh um ying dak" ( a chinese phrase saying you don't even recognise your mum." Raph then hands me the fone back, and then i try to explain again that raph is busy. His mum, obviously frantic puts his DAD on the fone, and he then asks me "I WANT TO SPEAK TO RAPHAEL CHAN. WHERE IS RAPHAEL CHAN." Giving the fone back to raph who seemed to have more success explaining his situation and recognising this parent, we ended the conversation.
Note: At this point, raph was no longer using his hands to pick up his glass, he was simply moving his mouth to the cup on the table. Also, he coudlnt sit up straight in his chair, the constant swaying was a bit disconcerting and his reaction time was about 25 minutes.

As he nursed the redbull, he kept saying "f#$k im drunk man." Lots of photos were taken with Garricks fone at this point, i hope i can post them here soon. Seeing that Raph was close to the end, he couragously finished the redbull and vodka, upon which hearing the calls of ABSINTHE! Raph yelled "NO! NO! NO ABSINTHE. IM F#$Ked. IM GONNA SPEW." So Garrick, being the good man he is got him a gin and tonic instead.
Raph, nursing this drink for about 10 minutes, picks up the glass, which is 4/5 full and goes "F*&K! how come there is so much left?" He then goes to the toilet and returns but sits on another table with his other mates. The next thing I hear is. "OH SHIT RAPH'S GONNA CHUCK!".
True enough, raph had his hand over hismouth and was staggering to the bathroom. I followed him and Raph bravely held it in until he got into the toilet. He dashed into the nearest cubicle only to see that it was occupied by a guy taking a leap. Now desperate, and his self control at its limit, he valiantly tried to dash into the next cubicle but it was not to be. A spray of vomit erupted from the hand that was over his mouth as he ran intor the cubicle, aimed his mouth at the toilet bowl........ and missed. Spewing all over the ground. But unfortunately that isnt all. At the entrance of this cubicle stood a BIG TONGAN SECURITY GUARD. and that spray of vomit landed on his jacket. Let me tell you, the nice security guard was NOT HAPPY JAN.

"WHAT THE F*&K? F*&K YOU MAN! I'M GONNA F*&KING SMASH YOU YOU F*&K!!!!!!!" and then shoved raph int he back, which did not help his trying to get his spew into the toilet im sure. At this point im thinking "Oh shit. Miles, you cannot stop this guy. He is about twice your weight, and its not fat. How am i gonna stop him from killing raph." The best i could manage was a "Sorry man...." and tried to step in between them. Luckily, the guard was smarter than he looked and managed to calm himself down. Raph then turns around and goes, "Sorry man, don't worry i'll clean it up. Gimme some toilet paper." (Raph mentions that he thought he managed to get it all into the toilet and was talking about the kilo of spew on the ground. I thought he meant he was gonna wipe the guards jacket.) Thanking God that we were both uninjured, that guard goes "Get the F*&K out." So i motioned for the time to leave and escorted raph downstairs, where he was swaying on his feet. The other guys came out, and we thought that giving him a kebab would settle his stomach a bit, thinking that he woulda thrown up most of dinner in pavillion. So he bought a chicken kebab at ali babas, and at about 1/4 before he seemed to pass out sitting down. He was quiet. TOO QUIET. All of a suddent he bends over and spews all over the ground. But raph being the gentleman that he is, tried to catch it in his hand. Unfortunately raph ur hand isnt the size of a 10 litre bucket so u failed. All over the ground of alibabas, and impressing the group of aussies behind us, one of which patted him on the back saying "Good work champ, let it flow." We decided that it was time to beat a hasty retreat and headed to maccas where tried to clean himself up. Luckily after about 20 minutes his sister and MUM arrived to pick him up. I don't want to know what his mum thought.
I am also glad that i wasnt in the car with him. He would have reekd of alcohol and puke. Mmmm yum.

And that my friends is the story of Raph's 21st. And what a 21st it was, one im sure he doesnt remember half of but willbe talked about for years to come. Happy birthday bro.